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Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Sunday, 9 October 2011
The Unrhyme
I think, I think and I think,
Of everything but now of ink,
Why is there no ink in pink?
Damn! These rhymes, have no link.
Of everything but now of ink,
Why is there no ink in pink?
Damn! These rhymes, have no link.
So here, I give it another shot,
To make sense and just rhyme not,
No no no! Again I lost the plot,
My head is where rhymes come to rot!
Now I travel all the way to Khar,
It is known to be the land of Sardars,
By train I go not by my car,
At least this rhyme can be called par.
This post is akin, to moon-walking in an ice rink,
Hence now I stop, before I cause your blood to clot,
I know now as far, I will never be a rhyming star,
See what I did in this last stanza love?
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
The Girl Paradox
via reflectionof.me
A few months back I had posted a picture which showed the 'Boy Paradox'. And now look what I found!
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Monday, 30 November 2009
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Mumbaites making Mumbai Shanghai
In an unprecedented initiative, the citizens of Mumbai have taken upon themselves to make sure that Mumbai becomes Shanghai.
Over the past few years, the promise that every administrator made was to convert Mumbai into Shanghai. All this while, these have just remained promises. But now, the citizens of the Maximum City have resolved that they will not let the ineptitude and inefficiency of the administrators discourage them. The people have now taken matters into their own hands.
The citizens know that Rome was not built in a day and this applies to Shanghai too. The masses have realised that one of the major things that differentiates both the countries is the Government by itself. More importantly, the way in which the Government is formed. The people of Shanghai have absolutely no say in who governs them. This seems to work for them. The citizens of Mumbai are trying to do that as well. Atleast 57% of Mumbai is trying their best.
If one looks at the trend in detail, one can see that this has been an attempt since more than a decade now. The voter turnout dipped to a low of 41.43 percent in 1991, but climbed to 45.90 percent in 1996 and 50.26 percent in 1998. The figure again nosedived to 44.86 percent in 1999 and then touched 47.15 percent in 2004 showing that people who do not want the progress of the city and this country still vote. But this year more have adopted the progressive mindset and decided to not vote, bringing the voter turnout to a whopping 41.24%!
This strategy was noticed by various NGOs, the media and various celebrities. They realised that they will be strangled and have no freedom at all if Mumbai becomes Shanghai and selfishly released campaigns encouraging people to vote. But finally, we, the people prevailed. The day is now not far when we can proudly say we are similar to Shanghai atleast in one aspect!
Over the past few years, the promise that every administrator made was to convert Mumbai into Shanghai. All this while, these have just remained promises. But now, the citizens of the Maximum City have resolved that they will not let the ineptitude and inefficiency of the administrators discourage them. The people have now taken matters into their own hands.
The citizens know that Rome was not built in a day and this applies to Shanghai too. The masses have realised that one of the major things that differentiates both the countries is the Government by itself. More importantly, the way in which the Government is formed. The people of Shanghai have absolutely no say in who governs them. This seems to work for them. The citizens of Mumbai are trying to do that as well. Atleast 57% of Mumbai is trying their best.
If one looks at the trend in detail, one can see that this has been an attempt since more than a decade now. The voter turnout dipped to a low of 41.43 percent in 1991, but climbed to 45.90 percent in 1996 and 50.26 percent in 1998. The figure again nosedived to 44.86 percent in 1999 and then touched 47.15 percent in 2004 showing that people who do not want the progress of the city and this country still vote. But this year more have adopted the progressive mindset and decided to not vote, bringing the voter turnout to a whopping 41.24%!
This strategy was noticed by various NGOs, the media and various celebrities. They realised that they will be strangled and have no freedom at all if Mumbai becomes Shanghai and selfishly released campaigns encouraging people to vote. But finally, we, the people prevailed. The day is now not far when we can proudly say we are similar to Shanghai atleast in one aspect!
Sunday, 24 December 2006
What in the hell were they thinking?
Seriously, what in the hell were they thinking? If you are wondering what exactly I am referring to, consider the name SHINEY!!
What does it remind you of? Who or what do you picture when you think of this name? a six foot man, or a golden retriever with shiny fur because of pedigree dog food?
But no, this is India! Here, a MAN is named as Shiney, and girls are actually crazy about him!!
Now back to my question. What in the hell were his parents thinking when they gave him that name? Now imagine a kid named Shiney, what is the next thing that comes into your mind? His school life? Kids can be really cruel, they will find all kinds of weird association with your name, and a name like Shiney is almost TOO easy. And I know this, I mean I have a surname like Kandala, of all the people I should surely know about school kids and their cruelty.
And why stop at school? People of any age are bound to be tempted. I know each one of you is; how many corny rhymes are coming into your head when I say Shiney? But seriously, why should someone come up with a name like this and that too in a foreign language? Have we run out of names in Hindi, Sanskrit and even the Punjabi names with an inder as a suffix? Not only would this poor guy have to face jokes in his own country, but if he ever earns enough and thinks of settling abroad to get away from the ridiculing people, he will have to go to a country where absolutely no one speaks English. Another problem he would have would be to understand their language.
All this reminds me of a TV commercial where the kid’s parents and their friends are thinking of a name and suddenly the kid, who is just a few days old by the way, speaks and says some name that HE wants. Ok, that is not a practical thought, but shouldn’t that be how names should be kept. There should be a system in place where the parents give the kids a temporary name like A1 or B19 or something like that. Now if everyone that age has a name like that, then there is no ridiculing right? Then later on at a predetermined age, the kid should be taken into confidence in deciding his/her name. Far fetched for sure, but practical.
All said and done, I guess there is a special feeling a parent has when he/she names their own product. I guess when I become one; I would like to name my kid myself too. But I am already in enough trouble with a funny surname, so I will have to think of a name which more than evens out the odd.
Suggestions anyone?
What does it remind you of? Who or what do you picture when you think of this name? a six foot man, or a golden retriever with shiny fur because of pedigree dog food?
But no, this is India! Here, a MAN is named as Shiney, and girls are actually crazy about him!!
Now back to my question. What in the hell were his parents thinking when they gave him that name? Now imagine a kid named Shiney, what is the next thing that comes into your mind? His school life? Kids can be really cruel, they will find all kinds of weird association with your name, and a name like Shiney is almost TOO easy. And I know this, I mean I have a surname like Kandala, of all the people I should surely know about school kids and their cruelty.
And why stop at school? People of any age are bound to be tempted. I know each one of you is; how many corny rhymes are coming into your head when I say Shiney? But seriously, why should someone come up with a name like this and that too in a foreign language? Have we run out of names in Hindi, Sanskrit and even the Punjabi names with an inder as a suffix? Not only would this poor guy have to face jokes in his own country, but if he ever earns enough and thinks of settling abroad to get away from the ridiculing people, he will have to go to a country where absolutely no one speaks English. Another problem he would have would be to understand their language.
All this reminds me of a TV commercial where the kid’s parents and their friends are thinking of a name and suddenly the kid, who is just a few days old by the way, speaks and says some name that HE wants. Ok, that is not a practical thought, but shouldn’t that be how names should be kept. There should be a system in place where the parents give the kids a temporary name like A1 or B19 or something like that. Now if everyone that age has a name like that, then there is no ridiculing right? Then later on at a predetermined age, the kid should be taken into confidence in deciding his/her name. Far fetched for sure, but practical.
All said and done, I guess there is a special feeling a parent has when he/she names their own product. I guess when I become one; I would like to name my kid myself too. But I am already in enough trouble with a funny surname, so I will have to think of a name which more than evens out the odd.
Suggestions anyone?
Saturday, 23 December 2006
Breed of Drivers!
Oh YES!! There are BREEDS of them out there!
Driving is truly an art that not many can master. And I mean MASTER! Driving takes a certain amount of commitment and finesse, which I might safely say, is not available in plenty out there.
Before we start categorizing them, let me say, I myself am a driver and a pretty good one at that, so rest assured, my comments won’t be totally senseless.
One of the most common characteristic of any driver is that he/she thinks he/she is good! Example can be seen in the previous line itself. So now let’s dissect them.
THE TURTLES – These are the people who if given a chance, would drive even a formula 1 car at not more than 40 kmph. They are the people who, forget coming in last, would surely have DNF against their name in any race. Again there are two types of turtles, one who are the detached people. They don’t care which day it is or even which year it is. They would stay out of everyone’s way and make sure no one disturbs their mission of maintaining a speed of 40. The other type too doesn’t care about the day, but they make sure everyone else also goes at 40. They would purposely drive on the right side and no amount of honking will make them budge. Their motto is drive slow and make sure everyone else does the bloody same too.
THE HARES – This would be the most obvious category after the Turtle. These people are hell bent in creating a new land speed record every time they get behind a wheel, and not even the municipal corporations earnest efforts in stopping them by digging holes doesn’t help. What I can conclude is that they have some serious digestion problems which makes them hurry so much every time. Another contrasting feature is, they have absolutely no clue which car they are driving. Everytime they have a steering wheel, they believe that it’s a Ferrari.
THE SUMO DRIVERS – Ohh yes!! They are totally a different breed. And surely the scariest! They truly believe that an automobile is meant for a person to go from point A to point B, and the straighter the road, the better. Not only do they want to get to point B, but they want to be the fastest, most hated, most cursed, most scary one in getting there. When it comes to caring about the people who use their own anatomy to do the commuting, the sumo drivers just don’t care. These innocent pedestrians are absolutely invisible, or a more plausible explanation would be, they see an X mark on every pedestrian and are hell bent in scoring by hitting the X.
THE WOMEN – These are even scarier than the SUMO drivers. It’s almost an urban legend, the curse of a woman driver. I am quite certain they have never read the back of their driving license. It says, ‘Driving is a privilege, not a right.’ But I guess, they don’t believe in this. They believe that it is their birth right to drive a car. No matter whose it is, which one it is and where it is.
I guess I will stop here. I have a suggestion; I guess you readers can add more categories to this. Please leave it in your comments. Not that I am expecting a lot of them considering the trend, but I am willing to take a chance. So until next time, walk safe!
Driving is truly an art that not many can master. And I mean MASTER! Driving takes a certain amount of commitment and finesse, which I might safely say, is not available in plenty out there.
Before we start categorizing them, let me say, I myself am a driver and a pretty good one at that, so rest assured, my comments won’t be totally senseless.
One of the most common characteristic of any driver is that he/she thinks he/she is good! Example can be seen in the previous line itself. So now let’s dissect them.
THE TURTLES – These are the people who if given a chance, would drive even a formula 1 car at not more than 40 kmph. They are the people who, forget coming in last, would surely have DNF against their name in any race. Again there are two types of turtles, one who are the detached people. They don’t care which day it is or even which year it is. They would stay out of everyone’s way and make sure no one disturbs their mission of maintaining a speed of 40. The other type too doesn’t care about the day, but they make sure everyone else also goes at 40. They would purposely drive on the right side and no amount of honking will make them budge. Their motto is drive slow and make sure everyone else does the bloody same too.
THE HARES – This would be the most obvious category after the Turtle. These people are hell bent in creating a new land speed record every time they get behind a wheel, and not even the municipal corporations earnest efforts in stopping them by digging holes doesn’t help. What I can conclude is that they have some serious digestion problems which makes them hurry so much every time. Another contrasting feature is, they have absolutely no clue which car they are driving. Everytime they have a steering wheel, they believe that it’s a Ferrari.
THE SUMO DRIVERS – Ohh yes!! They are totally a different breed. And surely the scariest! They truly believe that an automobile is meant for a person to go from point A to point B, and the straighter the road, the better. Not only do they want to get to point B, but they want to be the fastest, most hated, most cursed, most scary one in getting there. When it comes to caring about the people who use their own anatomy to do the commuting, the sumo drivers just don’t care. These innocent pedestrians are absolutely invisible, or a more plausible explanation would be, they see an X mark on every pedestrian and are hell bent in scoring by hitting the X.
THE WOMEN – These are even scarier than the SUMO drivers. It’s almost an urban legend, the curse of a woman driver. I am quite certain they have never read the back of their driving license. It says, ‘Driving is a privilege, not a right.’ But I guess, they don’t believe in this. They believe that it is their birth right to drive a car. No matter whose it is, which one it is and where it is.
I guess I will stop here. I have a suggestion; I guess you readers can add more categories to this. Please leave it in your comments. Not that I am expecting a lot of them considering the trend, but I am willing to take a chance. So until next time, walk safe!
Wednesday, 6 December 2006
Wassup !!/??
Now what is the deal with this word?
I mean why do people say it? What I mean to ask is, should one add a question mark at the end of it or an exclamation mark?
To know that we will have to trace out the history of this word, or rather phrase.
This phrase was first made popular in 1940 by the very popular and favorite cartoon character Bugs Bunny. Remember “What’s up, Doc”? In the series all the words were pronounce as per Standard English usage. The more standard one would be ‘What is up’. But that would just sound weird. Then the phrase somehow got fused into a word. So then came ‘Whassup’. This further shortened to ‘Wassup’. This can also be pronounced as ‘Wussup’ or ‘Wuzzup’. This phrase was made popular by the African American Community and was then later taken advantage of by the popular commercial series by Budweiser.
The evolution of this word didn’t stop there. This evolution would put Darwin to shame. The word got further shortened to ‘Ssup’ and later to just ‘Sup’. These versions though are more popular among the internet community.
Now we come to the question that I am addressing to. What exactly do people mean when they say wassup. And more importantly do they expect an answer in return or just another wassup. And even more importantly, what is the answer that they expect? Among Mexican-American street gangs in California, the phrase ‘what’s up’ means ‘there is going to be a fight’ when opposing gangs confront each other.
As far as I am concerned I go all blank when someone says this to me. What is it that I am supposed to say? The bigger reason for the confusion is that people say this in motion and don’t stay for more than a second to even listen to anything I would want to say. Well if you don’t want an answer you might as well just say Hi!
I think it is about time that people think about this. Technically thinking isn’t it a false show of concern? I mean someone can really get hurt you know. Now please leave your comments and tell me what IS the deal with this phrase.
I mean why do people say it? What I mean to ask is, should one add a question mark at the end of it or an exclamation mark?
To know that we will have to trace out the history of this word, or rather phrase.
This phrase was first made popular in 1940 by the very popular and favorite cartoon character Bugs Bunny. Remember “What’s up, Doc”? In the series all the words were pronounce as per Standard English usage. The more standard one would be ‘What is up’. But that would just sound weird. Then the phrase somehow got fused into a word. So then came ‘Whassup’. This further shortened to ‘Wassup’. This can also be pronounced as ‘Wussup’ or ‘Wuzzup’. This phrase was made popular by the African American Community and was then later taken advantage of by the popular commercial series by Budweiser.
The evolution of this word didn’t stop there. This evolution would put Darwin to shame. The word got further shortened to ‘Ssup’ and later to just ‘Sup’. These versions though are more popular among the internet community.
Now we come to the question that I am addressing to. What exactly do people mean when they say wassup. And more importantly do they expect an answer in return or just another wassup. And even more importantly, what is the answer that they expect? Among Mexican-American street gangs in California, the phrase ‘what’s up’ means ‘there is going to be a fight’ when opposing gangs confront each other.
As far as I am concerned I go all blank when someone says this to me. What is it that I am supposed to say? The bigger reason for the confusion is that people say this in motion and don’t stay for more than a second to even listen to anything I would want to say. Well if you don’t want an answer you might as well just say Hi!
I think it is about time that people think about this. Technically thinking isn’t it a false show of concern? I mean someone can really get hurt you know. Now please leave your comments and tell me what IS the deal with this phrase.
Monday, 20 November 2006
The Facial
A time comes in every man’s life when he is forced to do things that he would rather not do; he is pushed to foray into the territories where he would rather not go to. This force, as found out by a very popular survey conducted, 99% of the times happen to be a woman. Yes, the other kind, the type of human being with TWO X-chromosomes to be more precise.
Well to come back to the applicable topic, I was recently influenced by such force, to be more exact – my mom (love you mom), to get a…well…a facial done, the reason being a wedding in the family. Having agreed to her, I embarked upon this quest of getting my face cleaned up by someone else. Throughout my journey upto the saloon, which is a very long and exhausting 2 minutes, my mind was still contemplating this decision. When I finally reached there, I decided to get a haircut to start with, which would give me enough time to think it over. This as it turned out was not a very good idea. People generally talk about this little voice they have inside them, the voice that tells them what is right and what is wrong. Well, I did find that little voice, and millions of others that live with it. If I deduce, that one little voice belongs to a little person, then I am pretty sure that I have a whole country of these little people inside me. They also surely will give India a run for its money to become the largest democracy; and boy do they practice their democracy. They made sure that each and every one of them was heard and for the first time I didn’t hear the snip of the scissor going through my hair. They debated right from the facial being expensive to the risk of one of my friends walking in on me. But the majority thought that I should go through it, and hence by way of voting, I decided to do it.
Then it started, my man, the barber, started off by first applying something on my face and thoroughly rubbing it in, making sure that every inch of my skin was covered with it. For some reason, he had taken a liking to my nose and preferred giving it the maximum attention and rubbing it like it was no one’s business. He kept doing it as if he was extracting some heavenly pleasure out of it. He then left me for a few minutes and came back with something new and slapped it onto my face and the rubbing resumed, there goes my nose again. Though by this time I had got used to the cold in the air conditioned place, he kept applying things that were getting colder and more difficult to bear, sending my skin into shock every time.
Then I guess it was time to bring out the big guns, and out came some thing that actually looked like a gun. I for a second thought I had mistaken a dentist for a barber and was ready to bail out. He plugged it in and thrusted it onto my face. Again maximum attention was given to the nose, which was sure to be the shiniest part of my face at the end of this ordeal. After this gun got done with, out came a machine which was breathing out steam from it. And boy was it hot. Fifteen minutes of steaming later, I was wondering if I had been mislead by my country of little people, when suddenly on my face came a towel which was wet and so cold, it felt like it was on fire. One thing for sure, if my skin can withstand such drastic variations in temperature, it can go through anything. Off came the towel and a minute later, when I thought it was finally over, the man comes in with a brush and starts painting my face with something as I later found out is called a mask. After this I was left by myself to literally dry out and mull over life’s irony. How can we trust a stranger with our hair and our face….HOW? Talking of ironies, while I was left to dry, my man switched on the TV, and was watching a movie with our old friend Jackie Shroff in it. And the irony here, if you are wondering was, Mr. Shroff was trying to get a plastic surgery for himself in the movie. Though I certainly was not getting a surgery done, I surely was expecting a result which was comparable to the same. After drying me, and my skin feeling as if it was being pulled from different directions by the same little people, the man comes in and starts spraying water onto my face, which sent a sizeable amount of jolt through my skin. Then I suddenly heard the sound of ice being taken from an ice tray, and to my worst fears, the man comes in with an ice cube and rubs it onto my face. This sealed the argument, making me want to bomb the country of little people inside me.
Finally, to finish it off, as per trend, the man goes ahead and applies something that burns the tissue out of my skin, making sure that I am not doing this again and making me want to bomb the country again. The question that you would now be asking is, was all this punishment worth it. Am I more pleasing to the eyes of the onlooker? Well I guess the only way to find out is by risking using your own eyes. Till then CYA and take care.
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